Hi! Today, we have something different up our sleeves for you – We’ll be doing a Rabby-exclusive. Her parts will be written in Italics and Barry will pitch in a few times, with contributions in bold. Enjoy! Read Previous Post Here!
I think the more blog posts we write, the harder it gets to “skim” the surface on issues… We started this with a genuine heart to share our struggles – but sometimes the struggle is so real, it gets a little hard, and we become hesitant and vague.
Today, I’m going to be sharing what I would call ‘my side of the story’ in this relationship. I don’t know (in entirety) the vibes Alan got when we started dating, (both from me and from external observers) but I’ll give you a gist of mine.
So, on the Ashesi campus, there was this period in time where ‘everyone’ was convinced they were receiving a prophetic word from God for others. If you (an Ashesi student) can’t relate, thank your stars – because it was frustrating. Yet, I admired the boldness and concern that pushed them to instruct me; “Get out of this relationship.”
Yes, I had a number of those instructions, one way or another and “defying” those instructions had a long list of consequences.
> I would be miserable in the relationship>I would be crying a lot in the relationship>He would cause me pain and leave me
I cannot remember them all- but I’m sure you get the picture.
We spoke about expectations in our previous post. I kid you not, those ‘unmet’ expectations in addition to all of the naysayers built a solid argument to end the relationship. But I didn’t. I’ll tell you why in a moment.
Then, there was another set of advisors and instructions- these made me question myself and my character. Essentially, I was told that I was putting in too much into the relationship – that I was giving my entire being and Alan wasn’t doing much. To them, the seeming mismatched commitments was wrong and I needed to run away fast. Please don’t misunderstand me- these weren’t all strangers. Some of them were practically blood-relations who were concerned about me; and it seemed to the natural eye that I was over-doing. It was at this time that I heard a lot of disaster-relationship stories that had beginnings very similar to Alan and I. It wasn’t very encouraging.
Here is a little background: Alan’s passion and calling has to do with ministry work and music; he’s set up a music ministry (check it out here!).He started while we were still students at Ashesi. That involved rehearsals, moving from school to churches or other schools to sing with a team of students both within and out of Ashesi. Apart from supporting with my voice, I also helped with other tasks such as fundraising, transportation, et al.
I, on the other hand, have a calling and passion for serving and giving . This means, giving and serving comes easily to me and gives me fulfillment. It should make sense to you how “putting my life on hold for Alan” is what the world saw. I didn’t know that this was my calling then so when ‘people’ started to talk and point it out, it seemed like I had misplaced priorities or had my life revolving around Alan. I understand how it could have bothered a lot of people, since it seemed “so much potential had been folded aside because of Alan” (yes, someone actually said that too).
So… through all of that, and my personal insecurities, this is the reason why I didn’t leave. I knew God’s Word concerning me and it didn’t vibe with what everyone else was saying, you know? For me, it used to be very easy to get confused about what God is saying concerning my life – especially when I have very strong emotions to cloud my thoughts.
But this was different- as I said earlier, Alan didn’t have any intentions of being the kind of image I had painted in my father’s shadow. I was inclined to leave him and be with someone who fit the bill – and there was that option, mind you. In spite of that, I had an unwavering surety that this is where I am to remain and it will be glorious. Of course, all the other existing options would have been the easier and logical ones- but I’ve learnt now that the easiest route may not always be the best route or the right route.
Inasmuch as everyone has different situations, or different relationship stories, I’m certain about having an innate surety of where you stand, irrespective of those who give you thumbs up or thumbs down, the reason why you stay or go, should be from you- not because of what anyone tells you.
Rabby just hit several nails on their heads; what she just shared reminded me of what happened before we started dating. So, I was out with a friend of mine and he needed to go for a counselling session with his spiritual guide. He asked me to come along and I agreed.
When they were done with the session, the lady offered some council. She turned to me and said, “… the lady you are with is not the right person. God will bring your way a better person so you should not be in the relationship with that lady.” After this spiritual counsel, I went back to school and scheduled an appointment with Rabby, at the basketball court. (I remember it like it was yesterday).
I broke It off with her because I was so quick to believe what the lady said, not wanting to be working against God, you know? The mistake I made was not asking God whether this counsel was from Him or not. I accepted her words without finding out and heeding His direction. I would have missed this beautiful life changing opportunity if I was not scolded by the Holy Spirit and that would have been it for me.
So, it’s always wise to be in sync with the Holy Spirit in order not to miss any glorious opportunities as a result of ‘familiar voices’. The Holy Spirit may even speak through your friends, or a passage you read somewhere, or a random conversation. Someone might ask ‘How can you be in sync with the Holy Spirit?’ I would say, by drawing closer to him and sacrificing alternatives to spend time with Him. The bible says in James 4:8 that draw close to God and He will draw closer to you.
Well, that’s all, folks! We hope this blessed you in one way or two (or three, or four)
[Originally Published on 1st July 2017]